I Did Not Teach My Children the Alphabet
In a recent discussion, Marnellie asked me what I did at the beginning of homeschool. She was surprised when I mentioned never teaching my children the alphabet. Our lessons have not included A is for Apple worksheets, or practicing the alphabet song. So how did my children learn letter names and ask others to sing along?
Only one child suffered through recreating school at home. My oldest had to sit in a desk and raise his hand to speak. Anxiety pushed me and he resisted. His own perfectionism collided with mine.
Wobbly letters on tear stained pages remind me of those first steps into homeschool. I regret squelching my son’s excitement for learning those first weeks.
Thankfully, I spoke with the teacher who taught me Writing Road to Reading after the first fits. She admonished me to slow down. I thought I was doing everything right, but the book led me and fear drove me. Her words spoken with the confidence of experience brought peace.
It will come with practice. Relax. School shouldn’t be so hard.
Those words come back to me often. It has taken me years to relax, but I’m beginning to understand. Slow, steady progress is difficult to see when you sit next to it day after day.
A few years earlier, when Bug was still toddling around in a diaper I asked that same teacher how to prepare for school. Images of flashcards swirled in my mind. Her words scattered them.
Play with him and read a lot. That is the best foundation you can give him.
I took her advice. We did not work on numbers or letters. We just built blocks and talked while reading books.
Formal lessons began with Bug learning phonograms, the sounds the letters make, not the A,B,C’s. I taught him how to form the letters, how to say the sounds, and mentioned spelling rules, such as q is followed by u. And when he knew alphabetical order without any further instruction, I realized some things don’t have to be written in lesson plans.
Children learn far more than we realize by playing, listening, and living.
Great post!
I still cringe at how much I pushed my firstborn in those early years trying to “do school” at home. There are still consequences from that but thankfully we adopted a much more relaxed approach and are loving life and loving learning.
Beautifully put–and I have learned the same lesson with mine–the youngest is now teaching HIMSELF to read, because he wants to–it is SO much fun to watch.
I laughed at the thought of your little student dutifully waiting to be acknowledged by teacher. But I, too, need to relax. Our church meets in a school and I have to stop myself from comparing the work displayed with my girls current levels. Stop it! Ack!
I have never understood those preschools or kindergartens that do a letter a week in order. How can they go so slowly? And really, the alphabetical order is so arbitrary and has nothing to do with what letters a child can pronounce or write first. A is very hard to write and hear whereas T or H are so much easier — to identify the sound and also to make the shape of the letter. Ah well. ;)
We taught the alphabet through Chicka-Chicka and the song, but then we did “Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons” and that did letter sounds. It was hard (at first) to get them to do the sounds instead of the letter names.
So, it can work to teach them names as well, but I’ll never regret and can’t talk enough toward spending time with your kids when you’re not all “purpose driven” (to borrow a phrase).
Some of my memories with my oldest make me hang my head in shame, while others make me think….well, I didn’t do THAT bad. :)
I used an Evan Moor phonics program that did the letters, and we made puppets for each letter. fun stuff.
I have learned this same lesson through teaching my 16yo. I’ve learned that we don’t have to accomplish a given amount of work in a day. If she’s getting frustrated and so am I, it’s time to stop and come back tomorrow with a fresh eye and attitude. What the student says is far more important that what the lesson plan says.
I’ve been struggling with this very thing; my twins are starting kindergarten this year (at home). My oldest child went to a public school for k-3, and my second basically taught himself to read before kindergarten. So this is my first try at teaching, and I’m already feeling constricted by the idea of rigidly teaching a letter a week. It seems so…unnatural. And a lot less fun that I wanted homeschool to be for them.
Annette,
Thankfully kids are resilient, but yes, I still see consequences of those early tears. I’m trying to help me son understand that so many of the things he loves are school.
Heather,
That is amazing! I never understood how a child could teach themselves to read, but I’m starting to notice my daughter’s interest in letters. I wrote her name for her once, and she’s been writing it on everything.
April,
Ha! That never actually happened much. My kids have never been entirely dutiful.
And the comparison thing is difficult. One thing I’ve noticed is that some of the most important qualities cannot be seen on paper. Are me children reasoning and asking questions? That doesn’t always show when I squint to read my son’s handwriting. ;)
Lydia,
It probably is easier to build lessons around the alphabet. But I don’t really like the idea of preschool and kindergarten anyway.
My little girls did make an alphabet book in co-op last year, but I viewed it more as a craft than lessons. (And I forgot about that when I wrote this post, because I didn’t teach it. Whoops! Please don’t think I lied. :P)
Your comment about arbitrariness is interesting to me. I really don’t like arbitrary lessons, (or arbitrary anything for that matter) but I do think alphabetical order is important to know. Otherwise, how can you find books in the library. ;) But I question focusing on it so much. Some children may need the repetition, but my oldest didn’t.
MInTheGap,
Yes, we read books like Chicka, Chicka, Boom, too. And when I taught my son phonics, I mentioned the letter names sometimes. I just found we didn’t need entire lessons on the A,B,C’s. He got it without the extra effort.
I think I may like to be purpose driven. My purpose just isn’t to follow curriculum. It is to reach the hearts of my children. And I know that is your goal, as well.
Emily,
You are right. We aren’t doing THAT bad. If nothing else, we get to teach our children about grace. :)
Your projects sound fun. I don’t think crafts are bad. I just don’t get them planned very often. That’s one reason the co-op I mentioned above was nice.
Melinda,
Yes, the student and the Holy Spirit. ;) I think that sometimes we do need to push.
In The Horse and His Boy, C.S. Lewis says,
Very insightful. It’s amazing what you can gain from children’s literature. :)
Alicia,
When we started I did 5 or so phonograms a day. I finally slowed down. Not because my son couldn’t learn the sounds, but because he struggled so much to write them. It wasn’t fun, but it was about all we had energy for. It was sufficient even though I worried we weren’t doing enough.
You aren’t restricted by the curriculum. Go at your and your children’s pace. Enjoy discovering together and they will love learning. (usually) :D
I’m really happy with how quickly the kids are picking things up, and the passion that they have for helping their sister. She’s learning much more organically than the boys.
You’re right, it does all depend on the purpose!
Hey, that sounds like how we learned. :) Except that my son likes alphabet worksheets, and it seemed silly to tell him no when he wanted to trace the letters and color the little word pictures.
It is the second thing he goes to in the little workbooks he begs from us…after the numbers which are his favorite.
Poor thing. He should have been born first when mom was still fighting the urge to buy all that kind of thing. We would have got on famously.
Interestingly, in Mexico (at least according to a bilingual teacher from Mexico I knew in TX), letters are not taught in order, but according to frequency. They start with vowels and then the most frequent consonants so that after seven weeks, the child can read the first syllables…ma, me, mi, mo, mu. That is closer to how we started before I learned about the phonograms. Now we sort of do a hodge podge of both, but my children don’t seem to have the issues that plagued my preschoolers of forgetting letters by the time they needed them again. Reading was introduced quick enough that they needed to continually practice all of them.
I’ve pushed my oldest a lot, and my middle hardly at all. I hope she (the middle) survives without all the pushing. She just hasn’t had an interest, and we have focused on fun instead. Great post!
Perhaps someone should offer therapy for our eldest homeschooled kids? That’s what my eldest says when she wants to tease me, lol.
It’s amazing how smart we get as we go along the homeschooling journey, isn’t it? :)
Dana,
I used to resist buying workbooks, too. Then I realized my little girls enjoy them, and it keeps them busy while I work with Bug. I wouldn’t say they help educate my children, but they don’t hurt.
And I think Writing Road to Reading goes according to usage. That makes sense, because the reward of reading comes much faster. Practicing phonograms is rather tedious, but cuddly up with a good story brings them alive.
Kristen,
Thank you. I’ve heard quite a few stories of mothers pushing and prodding when they began homeschool. I think I’d rather be second born. ;) Somehow we have to find the balance.
However for me, I don’t like to focus on fun, so much as completing the basics. Trying to make everything fun wears me out, but if we’ve reasoned from Scripture or two I think we’ve accomplished a lot. My children naturally add creative elements to their lessons, and much of what we do in that area is spontaneous.
I know some people are created differently, so I’m not saying the enrichment activities are a waste of time. In fact, I wish I planned more of them, but I’m learning to accept who I am. And I try to give my kids lots of time to paint, draw, and dramatize what they are learning.
Barbara,
It’s true! Thanks for the laugh. :D
I keep resting on the idea that God created my family. He knew Bug would be the first-born. And I have no idea if this is true, (maybe as a generality) but this article says that first-born children have higher IQs. Maybe it comes from all those high expectations placed on them in the beginning. ;)
Excellent advice. I’m glad I stumbled upon this. I have no children yet, but I’ve always had an interest in education and I’m fairly convinced that I will be home-schooling once I do have kids.
Girl, you’re getting the hits because it’s a really nice post. I get so stressed with teaching my little ones to read, and I know I shouldn’t. Love that old-fashioned clip art image. :-)
Well said. One of those things I wish I had known about 15 years ago.
Oh My! A million thanks Renae for this post! As a way of saying thank you, I made a post for you! thanks again!
http://homelife.blogsome.com/2008/08/21/i-did-not-teach-my-children-the-alphabet/
Be blessed!
Marnellie
[...] you starting with ABC’s, this post might have you rethinking your lesson [...]
I do not like the ABC’S of learning the alphabet neither. So when I started to homeschool my children four years ago, I started our first day of class by telling them to forget all that you were told about the alphabet. There is no such thing as 26 letter to the alphabet. From that moment on I have had their undivided attention.
Qubilah,
I’m not sure what you mean by your statement that there is no such thing as the alphabet. I am not denying the importance of the A,B,C’s. We still need to know alphabetical order to access information.
Studying the A,B,C’s might not be as important as we make it out to be, but it is necessary if children don’t naturally pick it up through reading books and singing the alphabet song.
Thank you so much! That is very interesting, I may have to go buy that book because I very much need to relax. thanks for sharing your experiences and wisdom!
Thank you for this – it’s a great reminder!
I was homeschooled as a child and have many very good things to say about it. i wouldn’t change my background for the world. but i cannot understand how poorly prepared parents can be when they decide to have children or to homeschool them. having a child is the greatest responsibility on the planet. it should be considered with fear and trepidation. as a parent you will have the opportunity to screw up your kids in more ways than you can imagine. you have tremendous power over your children and you can, by your poor parenting, make their life miserable.
two things:
1. apologize as soon as you realize you have been in error. or even if you were right, but have been unnecessarily harsh. your child will respect you more when you do this hard thing.
2. learning is fun. it’s what kids do. your job as a teacher is to inspire curiosity. period.
you should prepare yourself, probably for years, before you inflict yourself on your child. think up ways to entertain your child, how you will make English fun instead of drudgery, how you will handle picky eaters, and do it before the child is born. you own it to your child. it is solely because of you that the child exists.
this was a good article Renae. I hope this will help other parents learn to parent and teach effectively. I trust you have apologized to your oldest.
Exactly. Thanks for sharing.
David,
Thank you for sharing your experience.
I’m sorry I didn’t reply sooner, but, honestly, I needed some time to think of what I wanted to say. I think your points have validity, but I did bristle a bit by your tone.
Yes, I have apologized to my son, more often than I like to admit, but pushing him during kindergarten isn’t the same as losing my temper or lying to him. As in any relationship based on love and trust, we work to overcome the negative experiences. That is part of growing.
Parents do not need years of preparation in order to homeschool their children. Parents have the responsibility to decide how their children are going to be educated, but children grow up to make their own decisions. I agree that parents can make life miserable for their children and that is tragic. But keep in mind, parental government is limited in time and authority.
Fear prevents many from even trying to homeschool. Love is the foundation of many wonderful ideas; fear is not. As much as we try to prepare for things, reality is always different, so how helpful is it to try to figure out how to make English interesting before you know the unique personality of your child?
Also, there is more to teaching your children than inspiring curiosity. As children explore the world, they need to learn about relationships. Teaching my children to consider others is vital to their happiness in this life. And that is what education is all about; life.
This is so true and sometimes I need to be reminded myself. Thank you for the encouragment!
Sorry, I just noticed the comments above mine and just wanted to clarify my comment was in response to your original post, Renae. :)
[...] we started homeschooling, I tried to recreate school at home. Now I’ve relaxed and thought we should get rid of the old school desks. My kids protested. I [...]
[...] we started homeschooling, I tried to recreate school at home. Now I’ve relaxed and thought we should get rid of the old school desks. My kids protested. I [...]
I’m so glad you shared this post at Conversion Diary! We’re just beginning to home school at our house and these were words I needed to hear. Thank you!
Emily´s last blog ..My Defining Post
I liked reading this. I did not do a letter a day and such. I did little assignments with mine. I would have them go the Library and pick a book that starts with B or what ever never any certain order. They loved searching for a book that had a letter on it. We used blocks,magnets,and foam letters for them to learn to recognize the letters. My youngest is teaching herself to read and it is awesome to see the reading just comming along. I wish I had known how to teach children at home when I was first starting but you learn as you go. I don’t do tests, grades or some standard form of measurement. We just do what we do and once they master it we move on.
[...] Your child needs to learn to read. [...]
[...] son cried writing his letters. Math confused and both of us were frustrated. Learning was so painful. I pushed the tears right [...]
my daughter has this little learning leap frog caterpillar toy- it teaches her the phonics for each letter- I love it! She’s two and I think she’s going to read early for her age because she LOVES books- no rush though!