Finding Wisdom in Trails of Trash
I hear the thud as the shed door crashes to the ground. The thick, handmade door fell off the hinges months ago. I prop it up, but the wind frequently knocks it down. I want to tear the whole thing down. Take everything out and start all over.
Boxes spill out books and clothes, paintings and pottery, craft supplies and toys. We’re living without it in the house. Can’t we live without it in the shed, too?
I close my mind’s eye to the exposed mess. I’ll shove the door upright later. Right now I’m reading while the happy chatter of children floats outside the window. Little heads bob past. I hear the scooter rolling on the concrete porch floor. The sound lulls me to sleep.
Moments later, I am shaken awake with an announcement of something cool. A little friend holds a rusty, drill-like hunk of metal in my face. I usher her back outside and instantly see why the scooter was going back and forth.
Has the shed been completely emptied?
Suitcases, stuffed animals, felt scraps and two bags of walnuts are strewn about. A smiling queen sits in a doll’s chair overlooking the mess. The rusty hunk of metal is now a walnut crusher. The birds will have a treat.
I feel asleep weighted down by a full belly. I feel the weight of this stuff, too. I thought we purged so well before the move, but I’m realizing we can do just fine with even less. Perhaps, even better with less. I’m tired of prying my fingers off paper, cloth, and sentimentals. I want to be free, unencumbered by spilling boxes and irrational attachments.
I am not ungrateful. I realize the stuff is a blessing, but am I prepared to deal with it? Can my character grasp hold of the truly significant and let go of the rest?
I sense the weight is not merely the physical things I’ve wrapped around my subconscious.
A trail of my own trash follows me: laziness, anger, pride.
Those horrible things cannot be packed in a box and shoved in the corner where they can be knocked over. They must be burned out of my being as a daily sacrifice.
I start carting the junk shop back into the shed realizing that I, too, am exposed. No wonder I hate that falling door so much. It is a reflection of my own mask. It is so easy to ignore the turmoil in my own heart in the busyness of motherhood and homeschool.
The moment I took to read on the couch is a rare thing. It is hard to let go of the guilt of sitting still. Things are out of place, but they always will be. There will always be boxes in a shed to sort. I can’t throw everything away and start all over. And would I really want to?
Some of the boxes contain tokens of memories. Some of them hold promises for the future.
No, it’s not the stuff that truly weighs me down. It’s my failures and my expectations. Who says sheds need to be clean? Who says I have to be busy every moment?
Maybe wisdom can teach me to do the most important things like loving God and my neighbor by using the gifts packed within me. If I spend more time with the boxes in my heart, I have a feeling the weight will slip away.
For My yoke is wholesome (useful, good–not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne. (Mathew 11:30. Amplified Bible)
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Wonderful thoughts, love your analogy. Thank you for writing them. ;-)
Yes, every move we’ve made, we’re left wondering on the other side… *why* did we keep this (and pay to store it even?!)… yet, every time we’ve purged, we’ve gotten more selective. I’m sure that when we (one day?) get to unpacking again (the kids can hardly wait, since at this point it’s been 10 months since we packed most of our belongings away), we’ll find an interesting array of junk, mixed in amongst the memory-holding treasures.
.-= beth@thebrew*crew adventure´s last blog ..Homeschooling… (even) Highschool? =-.
Beth,
It’s so easy for me to type about the junk when I’m in the house. Then I get to the shed and see all the wonderful things I saved and decide it just needs organized. Heh.
I share your struggles. It’s hard to not be settled – with our stuff and with our lives. Blessings my friend.
.-= Melinda´s last blog ..Oven Fail =-.
That was wonderful! And very truthful for all of us mdf God bless u
Great post!
.-= April Mitchell´s last blog ..Hope you had a blessed Easter! =-.
I’m in the purging process too. The donation truck is coming in the morning. I look at all the bags of things we have and think how did we accumulate all of these things? Great post, sometimes we just have to let it go and let go of the negative feelings with it.
.-= Rana´s last blog ..Post it Note Tuesday =-.
Rana,
I plan to load up the van as soon as I get a chance. I always have a giveaway pile growing, but my kids keep removing items. :P
And yet, God teaches me even through the messes, especially if I stop to listen.
I read your latest post through the Homeschool Lounge and noticed that you are in Idaho.I am in Twin Falls.Nice to see homeschooling neighbors on here!We moved out here from Illinois about 3 years ago and are still in the process of purging as well.We went from living in a 2200 sq ft. home to a 720 sq ft. home and you quickly learn to decide what is needed and what isn’t.Although we have moved into bigger living quarters a year ago,I am still trying to make sure that we try to live simply and clutter free.
So good to have made contact with another homeschooler in the area.
Have a blessed day!
Michelle
Michelle,
That sound so similar to our story, except we went from 1500 sq. ft. to 880 just a year ago. For us, it was coming back home though.
You know I’m going to be bugging you now that I know we’re neighbors. ;)
Inspiring post! I love the analogy; I think the same way.
.-= Jennifer in OR´s last blog ..Grieving with Poland =-.
The hardest part of decluttering for me is letting go of unfinished projects I would STILL like to do but have no time or shall I say they are not a priority. Yes I want to do it (read it, use it, fix it) but I want to do this other thing more.
I have been tackling clutter over the last three years in a serious way. It is a process. But the hardest thing is not sitting down to make decisions, trash stuff or donate it but adjusting to the realization that I need to set more limits on my capabilities. I can only do so much in one day.
The weight of the un-done nags at me and makes me feel that I’m not doing ENOUGH or I’m not good enough or I’d get that thing done. Letting go of the material thing helps me because it is not a physical reminder of the not-done or the half-done. It’s gone and then I can enjoy what I do have here.
.-= ChristineMM´s last blog ..Adjusting to Changes =-.
Oh awesome! Love this!!
“Irrational attachments” really caught my eye. That’s exactly what it is and when we break free from it, we find ourselves closer to God.
.-= Mrs.Smith´s last blog ..The last of it =-.