Where Is Home?
I don’t want to think and process right now. There are too many unknowns. Papers on the table carry the weight of hope, but a mere cough can blow them away. Dare I breathe? Dare I plan?
Determination wanes during the arduous separation. Twice I pleaded with my beloved to come back. Twice my cries were overshadowed by good news. This time it was Dylan who needed hope. As my words sank in, he confessed,
I was praying this morning about coming back. We need to be together…
Our steps have faltered. We’ve wondered if the time is right. Doubts try to smear our joy with shadows. But every time we try to turn back our steps are confirmed. Life in Idaho won’t be easy, but neither is waiting.
Instead of pondering my lack of patience, I focus on the tasks of moving. I go through boxes of Christmas decorations months too soon. Piles of cast-offs grow. Paintings are removed from the walls.
The open space reminds me of the flurry of cleaning and painting it took to get this place move-in ready. As I collapsed on the lawn, I wondered if the vultures overhead were circling for me.
A year later paint rollers came out again. We needed to switch bedrooms. A new little girl was joining our family, so Brother moved to the smaller room he carpets with Lego daily.
This house taught me so much. About repair, maintenance, and contentment. I no longer lust for the perfect house. The frustration of living in a fixer-upper has more rewards than just sweat equity.
I now know what home truly is. I enjoy the beauty we’ve brought to this shelter, but it’s not our home. Home is our family, not a house, not a city, not a state.
Right now our home is lacking the strong arms of Daddy. My heart aches, and I can only imagine the agony for other families separated even longer…
After praying with my son last night, he stated,
This isn’t our house, we just manage it for God.
That’s right. This house is a gift. It is a trust. We’ve cared for it well.
May the new management be embraced with peace and strength. I pray they discover home.
12 Comments
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Thank you for visiting my record of reflections about biblical principles, family life, and home education.
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~Renae Deckard
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Renae,
Thanks for sharing the frustration, joy, and perspective. Truly our home is with family no matter where they are.
God bless you all as you transition.
Keeping you all in my prayers.
Jennie
Jennie,
Thank you for you prayers and kind comments all along. I really appreciate you!
Renae,
I am frequently reminded that this earth is not my home made painfully obvious to me by my temporary living situation. I think homes are so important to us as women and it took loosing mine to learn that. I hope this transition phase is short and you can all be together soon.
Jenn
.-= Jenn4him´s last blog ..A Special Birthday Wish =-.
Jenn4Him,
I didn’t know about your house. I’m so sorry. I know you will rise above the circumstances though. Thank you for your encouragement to me. I will be praying for you.
Oh, I do know what dealing with so many unknowns feels like.
We have also learned that home, like you, is wherever we (family) are together. I am so sad you and dh are apart during this time.
Praying for you and yours as you wait on the Lord. Have you heard the song “While I’m Waiting” by John Waller?
Praying,
Nikki
.-= Nikki´s last blog ..Homeschooling & Ministry =-.
Nikki,
Thank you for the recommendation. I’ve mostly been listening to Bebo Norman.
Hi DDiL!
Hang in there, take deep breaths, eat well and don’t stay up late!
Get lots of sleep–tiredness just increases the negative feelings and despair. Pamper yourself a little–do something YOU love every day.
Love you and think of you every day…
yo mama
Thanks, Mom! I fell asleep earlier while Bug was reading, but I’m going to bed now. ;)
Can’t wait to see you!
i will fix up fixer uppers with you any time!
Tech support,
Back at you, babe! I’ll pack the tools. :) Come quick, okay?
[...] it was nice, eventually. That is why I took so many pictures. I knew I would need to be reminded that the sore muscles, sheer frustration, and inconvenience was [...]
ty for moving into that house, otherwise I would have not got to know such great neighbors that are missed very much.