Learning the Language of Love
Mothers are yanked in many directions. Everything we do is a tangle of relationships: wife, mother, teacher, daughter, friend, neighbor. Sometimes the urgent things stress the weave.
I try to muffle distractions, so my family accomplishes what is most important. The phone is left unanswered if we are studying, reading, or creating. Outside activities are minimal. My son takes piano lessons Friday morning, so Friday afternoon is reserved for the library, errands, and lunch at the park. I attempt to keep the laundry and dishes in a constant state of washing.
But the tyranny of the urgent still rules. While helping my son with his math, a little voice shouts from the bathroom. While preparing lessons, a headache sends me to bed early. While cleaning the house, a little person trips over the vacuum cleaner and tips over the laundry basket. Bad attitudes will hopefully be kicked out the door permanently, but they still wriggle in with the threads. It takes time to cut them out.
Interruptions are here to stay. How do I meet all the needs and fulfill all the requirements? I can’t. A simple, but profound realization. Only God can satisfy. This applies to me, as well. My husband and children are not my supply of peace, acceptance, joy, or worth. However, I am asked to serve them, to love them. What does that look like?
Leading in love is a relatively new language for me. I practiced for years, but have never been immersed in it like now. Teaching one wiggling boy was much easier than teaching three children with unique personalities at different stages of growth. The demands on my time are great, but when the pressure builds, wisdom can guide me.
Recently, I asked my family what two things I do bless them most:
- My husband enjoys a nice meal when he returns from work, and he wants some attention before midnight, when I typically drag myself to bed.
- My son asks me to help him take “trick” photographs of his Lego creations and answer his questions.
- My little girls beg me to dance and make crafts.
These are things I can do, but often neglect. There is much more I need to accomplish in a day, but these acts of love are received more than readily than finished lessons, washed laundry, and mopped floors.
Over the weekend, we celebrated a birthday. I used to stress about parties. Then I realized that my kids don’t care if the decorations matched the invitations. Our family tradition is creating unique birthday cakes, so I focus on that memory and forget party themes and checklists.
When I asked Sunshine what she wanted to do for her birthday, she said,
I want to have a pink heart cake at the park.
That’s just what we did. The kids climbed poles, made nature journals, and licked pink frosting. I didn’t hear any complaints from anyone other than Sunshine, who wanted to leave immediately after she opened presents. In spite of the torture of waiting, Sunshine has wonderful memories of turning five. She knows she’s loved, and that’s the whole point.
I don’t always like answering a myriad of questions before lunch or sopping up spilled paint in the afternoon, but God set crowns of flaming tongues on men long ago. He gave them words of life to speak to strangers. I trust he can ignite those flames in my heart. Then I will commune with the ones I love in their language giving light to their souls.
Tonight, I basked in the glow of that light reflected. Bedtime prayers culminated in a five-year-old, birthday girl asking her heavenly father to bless me. My heart is still warm. She is learning to speak my language, too.
What a lovely post. Thanks for the reminder that our first mission field is our home. Our family seserves our best, not our leftovers.
And it is so true about the parties. My kids just want to have fun, not have a stressed out mom. Simple has always created a much better party than fussiness.
This was such a wake up call for me today. Lately I find I am way too focused on chores and not enough on love. This part really touched me: “How do I meet all the needs and fulfill all the requirements? I can’t. A simple, but profound realization. Only God can satisfy. This applies to me, as well. My husband and children are not my supply of peace, acceptance, joy, or worth. However, I am asked to serve them, to love them.”
Thanks!
Great post, Renae. It’s true, that only God can bring fulfillment, and yet we so often fall by the wayside, seeking it elsewhere.
I love the idea of finding out what our family feels blessed by. Our thoughts may be very different than theirs. Knowing by asking makes so much more sense than just guessing.
Anna-Marie,
Thank you. Your comment blessed me so much after my husband’s review of this post. Thankfully, he encourages me to keep writing even if he thinks I ramble a bit. ;)
And speaking of my husband, he is the one who typically gets the leftovers, which means slim pickings most days. Knowing what blesses him most helps me give him more than an exhausted wife.
Melinda,
It is hard to let go of the things we can’t control. I never want my children to hurt or struggle. That is not in my power, and it’s a good thing. They cannot rely on me or their father for their sustenance. We will fail, but we can point them to the one who never will.
I hope you are blessed today as you relax and let the furniture stay dusty for awhile. ;)
Dianne,
Thanks! Sometimes I worry that I’m not doing enough the right way at the right time. But it is not up to me to finish the work started in the hearts of my children. I can plant seeds, but it is up to God to water them.
And it has helped to find out what my family truly wants. I suspected my husband wanted a hot dinner, but it was nice to confirm it. Plus, it opened a discussion about what tasks left undone bother me. I like things to be put away, so he helps me pick up when the house is littered with clothes and toys.
You were spot on with this one, Renae. Today was a good day for me to read it.
P.S.
That child is beautiful.
This is such a wonderful post and it spoke to me today. I’ve been struggling with the balance of meeting needs, household necessities, me time and everything else in between. It’s a constant battle.
I stopped by because I’m just now boxing up all the prizes from my birthday celebration and realized I do not have your address for mailing out your gift. If you’ll email with it, I’ll get your prize out to you asap. Thanks for visiting my blog and playing along!
Well, Happy Birthday, Sunshine! And God bless you, Renae. I’m happy for you that you’re gaining that important balance in motherhood. It’s such a growth journey, isn’t it? We are all so blessed to be moms.
What a beautiful post! You have highlighted what is so important and it was a great reminder for me ~ Thank you.
What a beautiful post! You have highlighted what is so important and it was a great reminder for me ~ Thank you.
What a beautiful post! You have highlighted what is so important and it was a great reminder for me ~ Thank you.
Barbara,
I remember when I realized the quest for balance would continue for the rest of my life. Bug was a toddler, and I was talking to our pastor’s wife about my struggles being a new mother. She started to share that she was still figuring out how to balance everything. I couldn’t believe it! Her children were in high school.
I guess I thought someday mothers just arrived at a magical place of wisdom. It does get easier, but choices still have to be made, priorities protected.
Renee’, Kris, and LOTP,
Thank you! I’m glad you were blessed.
What a great post! I struggle with this on a daily basis. I’m such a perfectionist when it comes to housework that I’m afraid my family often gets second best. I’ve been praying about it and working on it though, and God has really been stretching my time and I’ve been able to put my husband and children first and still get a lot of the housework done to my liking! I’m always amazed at what God can and will do if we just ask Him for wisdom and help. Unfortunately that’s something that I often forget to do, for some reason. Hopefully I’ll get it one of these days. :)
Lovely post! Thanks for reminding me to take time to do the things that matter most to my family…and let other less important things wait.
Excellent post! I’m so linking to you in my next “What She Said” post. :o)
You spoke straight to my heart, I found it hard to read through the tears that flowed…..xo
I’ve never seen your website before, but you sound like such a nurturing mother. There is something holy in that. That picture of your daughter and the pink heart cake is fabulous. My daughter is 16, and lying on the couch not feeling well from a radiation treatment, but maybe I will make her a pink heart cake. Have a great day. You sound like a very loving mother. Hopefully, your children will pass forward your legacy. Sincerely, Linda