This Is Completely Crazy, but Here We Go
My analytical nature results in unnecessary whining and worrying. Peace is fleeting for pessimists. Things are hard, impossible, or will become that way soon. I prefer to think life will get easier. After we escape a hard place, I want to languish in a hammock for a decade or two. I visualize it now.
My children run through the meadow picking daisies and chasing butterflies. My husband and I converse thoughtfully under the swaying trees. The clouds make pictures of castles, and the stream hums a melody of peace. The dog doesn’t bark. The cat doesn’t use the laundry basket as a litter box.
This has yet to happen. My visions seldom become reality.
I thought my husband would find a better job. I thought after a few months of unemployment we would step into riches. We were faithful with small things. I knew we could handle big things. In my mind, that meant a bigger bank account.
Here we are a year and a half later. We’ve been running to make a living dragging our kids behind us. We are tired and sore, but it was easier to keep going than jump off a stable bridge into the unknown.
Last week, someone waved a flag from a narrow outcropping below. My husband decided to take the jagged path. He’s quitting his dead end, full-time job to take a part-time position and attend university.
This seems foolish, ludicrous, and unsafe. Perhaps, it is all of those things, but we are learning to trust. Every hard thing strengthens our weak faith. Every battle against worry lifts our thoughts towards Heaven.
As much as I long for the smooth, clear waters, they are not meant to nourish through the seasons. In autumn, the brilliant grass decays. In winter, the pond freezes. Roaming comfortably in lush meadows, it is easy to forget I need a shepherd: a shepherd who whispers in the pastures and shouts in the mountains.
Again, I creep up the rocky hillsides where I grow faithful, patient, and more like the vision God has of me. His dreams do become reality.
There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears. (Philippians 1:6- The Message)
I’m a natural worrier. It’s some thing very easy for me to do. I use to think the “rocky hillsides” were to make me strong, merely in a human way, but they’ve really shown me how weak I am and how strong He is. Becoming more convinced and sure of His greatness and goodness has done more to calm me than anything else ever could.
“For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to show himself strong for those whose hearts are completely his.” 2 Chronicles 16:9
He sees me and knows me. He sees you and knows you.
God be with you and your family.
Blessing.
great post. this sounds a lot like our lives; the wishing for a bigger bank account. not so big, but so that there’s enough for new socks when we need them instead of having to wait all the time.
Great post! I needed to be reminded that my goal in this life is not to sit and rest by the quiet streams, or to amass money, but to become more like my Savior.
To do this requires sacrifice and pain. We’ve been going through a hard season ourselves- but at the end of the day we know that this is when our faith becomes real. It still hurts though…
But at least now I can say with confidence, Jehovah Jireh- God provides!
Blessings…
I worry frequently – too frequently. Yet I’ve lost count of the times I’ve followed my husband into a jump over the bridge knowing that the jump will strengthen our wings. Mind you, it’s not a large part of me that knows. It’s more often than not a teeny, tiny, minute molecule somewhere in my being that whispers the thought. Do we always land on our feet? HA! Do we always come out stronger, wiser and smarter? You bet.
It is easy to forget our need for the Shepherd. Crazy, but true. So when life gets ‘iffy’ that’s what happens. We draw closer to God. I love that. In fact, this phase in my life has been 100 times harder than I can post about, but I feel like my prayer life has tripled at least. So, even when I’m sitting on my bed crying because life is just too hard for weak little ol’ me….I am happy that God and I are hanging out…again.
I’ll pray for this big jump. :)
DJ,
Thank you for that beautiful sentiment. You are right. It is during these times I learn most about God’s strength.
Carrie,
We learn so much in the waiting, don’t we? I’ve learned the difference between a want and a need. And I realize that most things I long for are not needs.
CountryGal,
May God continue to give you his strength for this journey. Even if we aren’t sitting by peaceful streams, we can look for his peace in our hearts. He cares for the birds and lilies. He cares for us even more.
Crystal,
Some of my favorite verses are in Psalm 37,
Emily,
I have been there, and learned what it means to fellowship with Christ in suffering. It’s not where I choose to live, but the communion is sweet.
I will be praying for you as well. May the peace that passes all understanding carry you on the waves.
Been there and still doing that. My husband has been in school for 9 years (yes I said nine). He has been going part-time toward his engineering degree. He has a decent job, our needs are met, but sometimes it gets tight and I whine and fuss like a 4 year old wanting her birthday NOW! he he Let me encourage you.. it’s tough, there are adjustments, but with God’s assistance you will find your stride and you will make it.
Beautiful post!
Learning to trust is the one of the hardest things, isn’t it?
Thank you for sharing your heart.
May the Lord bless you and grow you even closer to Him as you take this leap of faith.
Blessings,
Shannon
Angela,
Thank you. Learning to trust is hard, but the more we experience the faithfulness of God the easier it gets. Then he gives us even bigger things with which to trust him.
Shannon,
Thank you for your words of encouragement.
Renae,
I came by to say thanks for visiting Borrowed Freedom and ended up reading many of your recent posts. I can really identify with your mention of visions of the future and so on. I too have had many of those children running through the fields visions, as you say. I think we all do. For me, one of the hardest lessons to learn abut following the Lord is to recognize the myriad of small blessings He gives us daily, and viewing those as our riches, rather than the dollars that we sometimes have and sometimes don’t.
I really enjoyed your writing. I’m looking forward to visiting more.
Blessings,
Susan
Sometimes the things that look so foolish in the world’s eyes reap the greatest good in the eternal realm. I’m praying for you too! :)
Thou will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is stayed on Thee because he trusts in Thee
Like a river glorious, is God’s perfect peace,
Over all victorious, in its bright increase;
Perfect, yet it floweth, fuller every day,
Perfect, yet it groweth, deeper all the way.
Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blest
Finding, as He promised, perfect peace and rest.
Hidden in the hollow of His blessed hand,
Never foe can follow, never traitor stand;
Not a surge of worry, not a shade of care,
Not a blast of hurry touch the spirit there.
Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blest
Finding, as He promised, perfect peace and rest.
Every joy or trial falleth from above,
Traced upon our dial by the Sun of Love;
We may trust Him fully all for us to do.
They who trust Him wholly find Him wholly true.
Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blest
Finding, as He promised, perfect peace and rest.
Your first line is interesting….I’m the same way. But it’s a sin to worry. I struggle with that a lot.
Sometimes I wonder just how many good Christian families are dealing with unemployment these days. Maybe we don’t want to know. My husband hasn’t had any work in fifteen months. He finally had to shut down his company because he could no longer compete with the Chinese. A year ago we moved somewhere cheaper and he started work on a new business that hasn’t taken off. Some of our relatives think we’re nuts. But until God leads him in a different direction, here we are.
Hang in there, Renae. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
“I know not what may soon betide,
or how my wants shall be supplied,
but Jesus knows and will provide.”
John Newton
Thank you all. Your encouragement means so much. I am surprised I actually have peace about this. I know it won’t be easy, but some things are worth sacrificing for. My husband and children are in that category.
EEEEMommy,
I have a little plaque with that verse, and we sing that hymn often. They are among my favorites! Thank you for putting a song in my heart.
Barbara,
I can only imagine what others are struggling with. We are incredibly blessed, and I know it.
This whole thing kind of works out on paper, but God will have to provide for anything extra. We were in a similar situation when we left for missions training. This time my faith is a lot stronger.
I will be praying for you, as well. Thank you for letting me know about your situation.
Lovely post, Renae. I know the great desire for things to be smooth and lovely and peaceful and serene. Yet we never grow in that, do we? They provide an enjoyable respite for a time, yet we can’t linger there. It’s back to the trenches, back to the refining, back to the life that God has for us. I pray that your journey of faith would be a blessing to you and a testimony to the faithfulness of God. :D
Yeah, that completing His work within us is not always the most funnest part of being Christian. Wonderful post, Renae, and I do pray it gets easier.
I heard a beautiful analogy to God’s work once that I think about sometimes when I get frustrated. God is creating a beautiful tapestry with our lives.
Right now, we are stuck looking at the bottom which appears as thousands of loose and knotted threads with only the barest hints of patterns.
But he is a fine craftsman, and some day we will see the completed work as He sees it…from the surface.
Dianne,
No, we just grow fat, and I think I resemble that. ;)
I know God is faithful, so I know there will be amazing testimonies to add to the ones we already have.
Dana,
I giggled at your use of most funnest. I haven’t heard/read that in awhile. Now my brain is going all English grammar-like. ;)
No, the next few months (Dare I say years?) might not be the funnest, but they will be full of growing, and the hand of Providence will be seen clearly.
That analogy is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing it. And thank you for your friendship and prayers.
Praying for God to make a way where there seems to be no way…
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