07-18-2008

In the Comfort of my Home a Battle Rages

By Renae

Negative thoughts crash around in my head. I try to disregard them, but a tender spot is nicked and the infection spreads. I recognize this place. I’ve been here before listening to lies and battling them with my pride.

This realm of home and family and children seems so safe. It is an atmosphere I create and manage. The tasks are completed day after day, week after week. I am comfortable here looking for joy in the mundane and hope in the difficulties, perhaps too comfortable.

Distractions encroach pretending to be innocent tasks while consuming my moments. Years pass in these unnoticed hours, and they cannot go by unbalanced and scattered. Denying my own selfishness with excuses scratches skin and allows more germs penetrate my thoughts. Inadequacy and failure sting.

Mother and Child by Emile Munier

Then my 4-year-old daughter clobbers a 2-year-old for taking her vacation Bible school craft that says, ironically, “We can share our toys.”

I receive the report from a friend, the friend whose 2-year-old received the beating. And I wonder anew at the power of forgiveness and grace. There is no pride to cover the anger of a 4-year-old soberly confessing a bad day.

The facade crashes around me, and I am humbled. My good habits obscure the battle in my mind from the majority. Am I trying to hide the truth from myself as well?

You are looking at things as they are outwardly. If anyone is confident in himself that he is Christ’s, let him consider this again within himself…(2 Corinthians 10:7)

The thoughts will be purged. They are part of the clutter and distraction which opens my soul to destructive ideas that pry at my resolve. Absurd ideas that never should have stuck must be abandoned, but I cannot do it alone.

But he who boasts is to boast in the Lord, for it is not he who commends himself that is approved, but he whom the Lord commends. (2 Corinthians 10:17-18)

Pride is not commendable, nor is it powerful enough to displace the lies. I clearly see the neglect of daily considering.

Forgiveness and grace emerge again when my 4-year-old cries at the realization of hurting her friend. Through her sobs she scribbles a note my heart deciphers,

I love you. Please forgive me.

Followed by jubilant hugs and wrongs forgotten. It is a new day.

Related posts:

  1. Impromptu Lesson on Yom Kippur
  2. Home Education Week Festivities
  3. Blog Birthday, Giveaways to Follow

Filed under Journal, Renewal | Trackback | Comments RSS | Add Comment

Previous: Daddy, Will You Be my Strength?
Next: American History Series- My Heritage is Beautiful to Me

11 Comments

  1. Melinda 07-18-2008, 5:52 pm

    This post touched my heart. Nothing humbles me as much as the tears of my little one after she has been naughty.

  2. Emily 07-18-2008, 6:00 pm

    JUST about the time that I think that I have a superior child, something happens like that. Not to humiliate and suppress me…but to teach me.
    God is good.
    Also,I love the repentant spirit in your daughter. That’s really the sign of good parenting….not that she had childish actions, but that she has The Holy Spirit’s prompting. I actually feel such relief…that He’s doing the HARD work…not me. Don’t you? ‘Cause any average mom can teach obedience, but repentance…the real kind, is much harder. (maybe because we can’t control it?)

  3. Renae 07-19-2008, 8:36 am

    Melinda,
    I’m so thankful God’s mercies are new every morning, and even every moment. I see a glimpse of his heart when I forgive my children. I’ve already forgiven them even before they ask. Well, usually. ;)

    Emily,
    Ha! I rarely think I have superior children, but I was surprised my little one would attack another child and the boy who tried to help. It was a reminder to me I am not in control (as you mentioned), and I need to be gracious to myself. My children are not perfect and neither am I.

    And yes, I agree that God uses my children to teach me. I’ve learned so much about his love and forgiveness by being a parent.

  4. Daisy 07-19-2008, 9:55 am

    AMEN! I needed to hear that.

  5. Jenn 07-19-2008, 6:24 pm

    Hey, that 2 year old probably deserved a good clobbering!:)

  6. Jenn 07-19-2008, 6:27 pm

    What I really meant to say was that was a very touching, thoughtful post. As hard as we try, we really are at the mercy of God for His wisdom in raising our little ones. And if His mercies for us are new every morning, it is the least we can do to extend it to our children on a daily basis as well. Good reminder to me.

  7. Renae 07-19-2008, 11:23 pm

    Jenn,
    Okay, even if that was true, I’d prefer someone else’s kid did it. ;)

    I guess this is their training ground, and we learn in the process, too. Thank you for your graciousness and encouraging words.

    (We’ll bring the card tomorrow. Hope it is received as I predicted.)

  8. Jennifer in OR 07-20-2008, 5:25 pm

    I think in the comfort of all homes, a battle rages. Very perceptive. This is exactly where our Enemy wants to creep in, in the mundane, everyday tasks of life. Things like selfishness, irritability, getting distracted…I battle all these things, too, and without a daily grounding in the Word of God, I will fail.

  9. Barbara Frank 07-21-2008, 9:56 am

    Isn’t it interesting that in the Christian home, parents are learning just as much as the children are? God can really reach us through our kids.

  10. Alicia 07-24-2008, 12:27 am

    Been having more than my fair share of those days lately! Thanks for sharing your experiences; it helps to not feel alone in that learning process called parenthood!

  11. Everyday Liturgy 07-30-2008, 3:36 pm

    The 235th Christian Carnival…

    …

Add a Comment